Thursday, September 16, 2004


After I had pretty much figured I'd never see or hear from her again, Heather called me back yesterday. She was extremely apologetic and seemed pretty convinced that I would be really mad at her, but I had to inform her I wasn't because really, I wasn't. I recently realized how completely uninterested I am in dating. Which isn't to say that I didn't have a great time with Heather and don't want to see her again. I do. Heck, it's not every date where you cross paths with a 12 year-old mandolin prodigy. I just can't muster up the will to go out with girls I don't know very well and try to charm them. What a hassle.

This is most likely because I've never had a girlfriend who wasn't already a friend of mine. I got to know my girlfriends outsides of a 'dating' context, so there wasn't the pressure of 'If I don't deliver the charm I'll never see her again!' And as I wrote that I realized it was a lie, since both Bre and Ali were both completely aware that I liked them (I was not, shall we say, subtle) so really there was pressure to impress every time I saw them. But since we were in the same circle of friends, I was given ample time to worm my way into their consciousnesses.

I just can't take this pressure to immediately impress. I'm shy around strangers, and not much of a conversationalist one-on-one, so I clam up. Sure, you stick me in a crowd of friends, put a few drinks in me, I'm Fun City. But if I'm in a coffee shop sitting across from you, and this is maybe the third time we've ever spoken, I will most likely just sullenly stare.

I swear, if I weren't so very, very lonely I would swear off dating forever. That sentence is ridiculous. Look at it and how stupid it (and therefore I) is. I is so stupid. I think that's more than enough for now. I have exceeded my doctor's recommended daily dosage of navel gazing.

Next time... comics!


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