Thursday, April 20, 2006

Jeff tells Liz what happened on TOP MODEL this week

Liz,

Sorry it took me so long to start this. There is a lot of pressure to measure up to your own feature, but I'm going to try. Do bear with me. For expediency's sake, I'm going to start at episode five ("The Girl With Two Bad Takes"), rather than the beginning. I assure you, you didn't miss much, save for some totally just eliminations, and I don't remember things too well that far back. And for those who watch the show, don't spoil things for poor Liz. I don't know how she'll handle it if the order of the eliminations is ruined for her. Anyway, I'll be starting with ep 5 AFTER this post, which will serve as a general introduction to the girls still around this season, and where they fall on the Jeff-o-meter of Approval. May as well just jump right in, eh?

THE MODELS

(Should you want faces to go with the names, you can always check out UPN's official site.

MOLLIE SUE - Mollie Sue talks and walks like a robot, sure, but she is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ROBOT I HAVE EVER BEHELD. She is hot, is what I'm saying. And she seems okay personality-wise, when she opens her robot mouth.

JOANIE - I initially dismissed Joanie, but she has grown on me over the course of the show to become my second-favorite. She's a good model and all, but she's also pretty funny and charming in her interviews and most importantly of all, she is NOT CRAZY. Joanie has a hideous snaggletooth.

BROOKE - Brooke is a stupid hippie. I don't mean to say that hippies are stupid. I mean to say that Brooke is stupid and is also a hippie. She's pretty in a weird way, and has been told by the judges more than once that her looks is "so wrong, it's right" (big confidence booster!). According to everyone else, Brooke cries all the time, but the show has neglected to show us any of that, so who knows. I don't know why I like her. I just do.

SARA - The best way to describe Sara is to say that she is Scarlett Johannson if Scarlett Johannson were an AMAZON. Like, from Themyscira. Sara is tall, and a little awkward about it. She wasn't even looking to be in this competition, but was flagged down by Top Model recruiters at her local mall. Perhaps because of this secret origin, Sara is argueably the most level-headed girl in the house.

LESLIE - Leslie is gorgeous, but has had almost no screentime. She has a ridiculous model walk, where her butt sticks out a mile behind her.

FURONDA - In a competition full of skinny girls, Furonda is the skinniest. She freaks me out. But she's kind of hysterical, like when she handed out a list of rules for dealing with her, including such gems as "I will treat you as well, or worse, as you treat me." That was gold. You might remember Furonda from Veronica Mars a few weeks ago.

NNENNA - Nnenna swept in to the competition as the unstoppable golden child, winning the first two challenges of the season and being actually good-looking and (gasp) intelligent. She's lost a bit of her luster since then, but she's still solid. Nnenna is from Africa, is a chemist, and has a tragic past.

DANIELLE - I have no real opinion on Danielle. She is neither offensive or attractive to mine eyes. She takes decent pictures and isn't a jerk. Danielle has a huge gap in her front teeth which is pretty charming. Sometime she makes up nonsensical freestyle raps.

JADE - Jade is stone crazy. Seriously. She's insanely arrogant, talks about herself in the third person, and cannot BELIEVE that she is not already a supermodel. However, she is soooo ridiculous that she's almost charming. She's harmless, really (certainly now that Gina, who Jade was picking on, is gone), and is an endless comedy mine. She's also really dumb, as my first recap will demonstrate.

MODELS WHO ARE ALREADY ELIMINATED

GINA - She was the dumbest girl in the house, and that's saying something.

KARI - Kari looked like Denise Richards, only puffier.

WENDY and KATHY - They were not actually attractive in the least.

Okay, so there's that. I'm not nearly as invested in this lot as I was with last cycle's, but I'll not let that stop me. I should have my summary of "The Girl With Two Bad Takes" up by... uh... tomorrow? Tomorrow.

3 Comments:

Blogger Liz said...

Dear Jeff,

Now I know who all these people are! I look forward to hearing more about their antics. Hopefully, I'll be able to understand all the goings-on. This show isn't too complex, right? It's not like 24 or anything?

I'm a little concerned that some of them don't have particularly good teeth. Maybe that's why they decided to become models? To get the money they need for proper dental care? Or maybe this is just their charming flaw.

I hear flaws are charming, anyway.

5:00 PM  
Anonymous Lindsay said...

wow. liz, you actually have a blog where all you do is tell frank what happened on Bones?
I am impressed.
you are so internet savvy!

6:02 PM  
Blogger Liz said...

I just really believe in educating people. S'all. *g*

10:17 AM  

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