Friday, March 17, 2006

I have the power

So I fell asleep watching The Secret of the Sword last night (y'know, the He-Man/She-Ra movie). Here are some thoughts:

-Under now circumstances should you watch the music video. I mean, you SHOULD, because it's hysterical, but just be warned that the song will take root in your subconscious and you will be humming it for days.

-The movie has FIVE directors. You keep thinking the director credit is finished, but they just keep coming.

-Prince Adam is so not into this mission that The Sorceress is sending him on. Then again, she's sending him through a portal to a unknown and possibly hostile world to find an unknown person for no readily apparent reason. I guess Adam's just practical.

-Prince Adam and his new friend, Bo:
ADAM: "Where are we going?"
BO: "Whispering Woods, of course!"
Of course.

-Since this movie is, in essence, the origin of She-Ra, let's just talk about the basic set-up of that series, shall we? Basically, it's He-Man aimed at girls, so the basic premise is slightly problematic. Since it remains essentially an action show, She-Ra and her friends lead a rebellion against the despotic Hordak and his well-armed Horde. The Horde is bad news. Hordak can transform his arm into a laser cannon, and he commands an infinite supply of well-armed Horde troopers. His captains have names like Grizzlor and Leech. They were so badass, their action figures came out under the He-Man banner, because what girl would want to own such monstrosities? By contrast, the rebel camp lies in the pastel-colored Whispering Woods and consists of She-Ra, Bo, Glimmer, many generic peasants, and what appears to be the cast of a discarded Hannah-Barbera cartoon. There's Spragg, who's a Twiggett (I have no idea), and Madame Razz, who bumbles around casting spells, and has a New York accent and a talking broom. So it's a bit of a dichotomy here, is what I'm saying. You've got the guy who gives Skeletor nightmares vs. a wisecracking broom. It'd be like if the Snorks decided to take on Cobra (of GI Joe fame). It's a little weird.

-How dumb is Adora? Well, Force Captain Adora (who will eventually become She-Ra) at first works WITH the Horde. She apparently does not think they are bad, despite the fact that in the beginning of the movie she's sent to enslave an entire village just because three Horde troopers got barrels dumped over their heads. And let's not forget that her father-figure is a cybernetic pig-nosed hell-demon with a transforming arm cannon. Not to mention that she lives in The Fright Zone while the supposed terrorists live in the Whispering Woods. But hey, some stern words from He-Man and she totally sees the errors of her ways.

-Hordak has ships with his face on them.

-I fell asleep when Hordak was describing his ultimate weapon... the Magna-Beam Transporter! It just teleports stuff to a ditch. And it runs on anger... I think? I was asleep.


Blogger Liz said...

Did you just say that She-Ra was stupid? SHE-RA? L'il Liz's First Feminist Icon?

Well, I probably shouldn't get mad at you. It's been approximately eighteen years since I've seen an episode. Let alone this masterpiece!

Still, She-Ra was awesome. She had a horsie AND a boyfriend AND a sword! Awesome!

2:09 PM  
Blogger Alan said...

She-Ra most definitely did not have a boyfriend. Bo is clearly a homosexual.

Jeff, all of your points are right on. I just refuse to recognize them as criticism. My God, I could watch this movie just about any damn time.

Love that music video! I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

2:07 PM  
Blogger chris said...

this just sounds fabulous. where can i get me a copy? hahahaha.

9:40 AM  

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