The Girl Who Has A Temper
Liz,
Here we are again! Now after tomorrow I'll only be two episodes behind!
We open on Jade crying to Leslie about being in the bottom two (again). Leslie doesn't care, because she is me. Meanwhile, Brooke complains that Nnenna has been calling Brooke a "crybaby" behind her back. Oooh, tensions are mounting!
The next day, Miss J. Alexander shows the girls how to work with accesories. Liz, did you know that if you're walking down a runway it's easier to unbutton a jacket from the bottom up, because then your hands are at the top of the jacket for easy removal. Just a tip from me and your friends at Top Model. None of the girls are very good with the jackets, especially poor, hot Leslie, who has the damn weirdest walk. Miss J says as much.
Then the girls have to walk while removing gloves, then with handbags. Brooke drops her handbag and Nnenna cruelly laughs. The tension-o-meter heads up a notch or two. Then Miss J has the girls twirl in skirts. Boring. Miss J sends the girls head off to meet "The Twirlers."
"The Twirlers," it turns out, are two middle-aged bald men with outrageous lisps. They make the girls twirl, twirl, twirl. How do these Twirlers make a living? A Twirling Master Class? Sometimes the world is stupid.
Back at home, Nnenna's on the phone with her awful boyfriend John AGAIN. Brooke gets fed up and goes into the phone room to complain to Nnenna's face. She bitches about the amount of time Nnenna spends on the phone, and as she starts to bring up the "crybaby" stuff, Nnenna just picks up the phone again and starts dialing. Another heaping helping of burnsauce for Brooke!
Brooke complains about Nnenna to Leslie, and in a brilliant move says "She's from Africa? Go back to Africa if it's so damn great." You don't even have to have seen Crash to know that phrase is a minefield. Nice one, Brooke. Brooke passes by Nnenna's room and says "You are such a fucking bitch, Nnenna." Nnenna, it should be noted, does not give two shits about Brooke's (somewhat justified) hissy fit. Tyramail shows up and says simply "Sashay, chantay." Or however those words are spelled. What am I, an English major?
The next day the girls are at a church that I think I sang at with the Oxy Glee Club. I could be wrong. Anyway, the girls are going to put on a church fashion show and have to twirl, twirl, twirl. We are told that church fashion shows are a tradition in the black community, which is why it's kind of funny when the audience in the church is almost exclusively white women, many of them armed with old-timey fans.
The girls walk and twirl, and both Joanie and Jade are really good. Jade ends up winning, much to Joanie's chagrin (and mine), and she gets a $25,000 diamond ring as a prize. Holy shit! Nice one.
There's some more footage of the girls back at the house, but nothing that interesting happens. Brooke still does not care for Nnenna. Leslie and Jade toplessly kick it in the hot tub.
The next day the girls stand on a rooftop with plucky Jay Manuel. He tells them they'll be doing a shoot for Payless Shoes (edgy!) and will be dancing with Tommy the Clown and his krump dancers. As near as I can tell, krumping involves dancing as quickly and crazily as possible. It is sort of awesome.
The girls go up one by one and dance, and try to show off the shoes. Brooke is hopeless. Leslie dances terribly. Sara is awkward. Nnenna is weak. Danielle and Joanie do fine. Jade gets ready to dance and says that this is her "gendre." DUMB AS HELL. But then she totally dances like crazy and Jay totally digs it.
Judging! Tyra wants the girls to demonstrage their signature walk, but when they're heading back up the runway she wants them to stop and do a turntable kind of turn. Tyra does it flawlessly. It's sort of insane. She's moving, but is showing no movement, if you know what I mean. Anyway, the girls are horrible at it.
The judges look at the photos and judge the walks. Sara and Joanie's photos are rad. Furonda immobilizes one of her arms when she walks. Leslie walks weird and could not do the turntable worth a damn. Nnenna also sucked at turntable, but her picture is beautiful, and on and on.
Elimination ultimately comes down to Sara and Leslie. Sara is awkward. Leslie is hot and all, but she walks like a duck. Leslie is eliminated, and is sad. I am sad, too. All my eye candy is being eliminated.
Next week (aka last week): Oral surgery!
Here we are again! Now after tomorrow I'll only be two episodes behind!
We open on Jade crying to Leslie about being in the bottom two (again). Leslie doesn't care, because she is me. Meanwhile, Brooke complains that Nnenna has been calling Brooke a "crybaby" behind her back. Oooh, tensions are mounting!
The next day, Miss J. Alexander shows the girls how to work with accesories. Liz, did you know that if you're walking down a runway it's easier to unbutton a jacket from the bottom up, because then your hands are at the top of the jacket for easy removal. Just a tip from me and your friends at Top Model. None of the girls are very good with the jackets, especially poor, hot Leslie, who has the damn weirdest walk. Miss J says as much.
Then the girls have to walk while removing gloves, then with handbags. Brooke drops her handbag and Nnenna cruelly laughs. The tension-o-meter heads up a notch or two. Then Miss J has the girls twirl in skirts. Boring. Miss J sends the girls head off to meet "The Twirlers."
"The Twirlers," it turns out, are two middle-aged bald men with outrageous lisps. They make the girls twirl, twirl, twirl. How do these Twirlers make a living? A Twirling Master Class? Sometimes the world is stupid.
Back at home, Nnenna's on the phone with her awful boyfriend John AGAIN. Brooke gets fed up and goes into the phone room to complain to Nnenna's face. She bitches about the amount of time Nnenna spends on the phone, and as she starts to bring up the "crybaby" stuff, Nnenna just picks up the phone again and starts dialing. Another heaping helping of burnsauce for Brooke!
Brooke complains about Nnenna to Leslie, and in a brilliant move says "She's from Africa? Go back to Africa if it's so damn great." You don't even have to have seen Crash to know that phrase is a minefield. Nice one, Brooke. Brooke passes by Nnenna's room and says "You are such a fucking bitch, Nnenna." Nnenna, it should be noted, does not give two shits about Brooke's (somewhat justified) hissy fit. Tyramail shows up and says simply "Sashay, chantay." Or however those words are spelled. What am I, an English major?
The next day the girls are at a church that I think I sang at with the Oxy Glee Club. I could be wrong. Anyway, the girls are going to put on a church fashion show and have to twirl, twirl, twirl. We are told that church fashion shows are a tradition in the black community, which is why it's kind of funny when the audience in the church is almost exclusively white women, many of them armed with old-timey fans.
The girls walk and twirl, and both Joanie and Jade are really good. Jade ends up winning, much to Joanie's chagrin (and mine), and she gets a $25,000 diamond ring as a prize. Holy shit! Nice one.
There's some more footage of the girls back at the house, but nothing that interesting happens. Brooke still does not care for Nnenna. Leslie and Jade toplessly kick it in the hot tub.
The next day the girls stand on a rooftop with plucky Jay Manuel. He tells them they'll be doing a shoot for Payless Shoes (edgy!) and will be dancing with Tommy the Clown and his krump dancers. As near as I can tell, krumping involves dancing as quickly and crazily as possible. It is sort of awesome.
The girls go up one by one and dance, and try to show off the shoes. Brooke is hopeless. Leslie dances terribly. Sara is awkward. Nnenna is weak. Danielle and Joanie do fine. Jade gets ready to dance and says that this is her "gendre." DUMB AS HELL. But then she totally dances like crazy and Jay totally digs it.
Judging! Tyra wants the girls to demonstrage their signature walk, but when they're heading back up the runway she wants them to stop and do a turntable kind of turn. Tyra does it flawlessly. It's sort of insane. She's moving, but is showing no movement, if you know what I mean. Anyway, the girls are horrible at it.
The judges look at the photos and judge the walks. Sara and Joanie's photos are rad. Furonda immobilizes one of her arms when she walks. Leslie walks weird and could not do the turntable worth a damn. Nnenna also sucked at turntable, but her picture is beautiful, and on and on.
Elimination ultimately comes down to Sara and Leslie. Sara is awkward. Leslie is hot and all, but she walks like a duck. Leslie is eliminated, and is sad. I am sad, too. All my eye candy is being eliminated.
Next week (aka last week): Oral surgery!
posted by Jeff at 4:09 PM
1 Comments:
Dear Jeff,
I'm learning so much! Who knew there was so much to learn? Like, for example, that Tyra Banks appears to have a hovercraft installed in her ass. Tyra Banks is very impressive.
I am also glad to hear that my dark horse pick, Jade, is continuing to fail upward. Go Jade! Brains are for squares!
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