Attention 13-year-old boys!
I have found your perfect movie!
It is called DOA: Dead or Alive and it is based on the popular video game franchise. You young people like video games, right? It was directed by the guy who made The Transporter, and who doesn't like The Transporter? Old people, that's who. Anyway, DOA features hot women in bikins and kung fu fighting. Sometimes it features these things simultaneously. Plotwise, it's very reminiscent of Mortal Kombat, only with less killing and more nanotech. And again, boobs. I know how you youngsters like to masturbate. It stars weird-faced Devon Aoki and alarmingly-muscled Jamie Pressley (basically just playing a nicer version of her My Name is Earl character). There are also several other hot women. They all go to an island and beat the shit out of each other, and sometimes play beach volleyball. The end. Also, Eric Roberts is the villain. Ask your parents who he is.
Oh, and the movie never actually got released in the US for some reason, so hopefully you all have a region-free DVD player! Happy viewing!
It is called DOA: Dead or Alive and it is based on the popular video game franchise. You young people like video games, right? It was directed by the guy who made The Transporter, and who doesn't like The Transporter? Old people, that's who. Anyway, DOA features hot women in bikins and kung fu fighting. Sometimes it features these things simultaneously. Plotwise, it's very reminiscent of Mortal Kombat, only with less killing and more nanotech. And again, boobs. I know how you youngsters like to masturbate. It stars weird-faced Devon Aoki and alarmingly-muscled Jamie Pressley (basically just playing a nicer version of her My Name is Earl character). There are also several other hot women. They all go to an island and beat the shit out of each other, and sometimes play beach volleyball. The end. Also, Eric Roberts is the villain. Ask your parents who he is.
Oh, and the movie never actually got released in the US for some reason, so hopefully you all have a region-free DVD player! Happy viewing!
posted by Jeff at 11:43 AM
2 Comments:
When you say "weird-faced," do you mean "weird-faced to me, Jeff Stone, because I am a racist?"
Also, this post is hilarious.
People of any race can have a weird face, Frank.
Also! 13-year-old boys! Did I mention that the bikini kung-fu fight happens IN THE RAIN??? Once you see this movie, you will never stop masturbating.
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