From the archives
Occasionally I'm in the middle of something (I do SOME work, you know) so I have to jot down possible blog posts on paper or in a random Word document I keep. Sometimes I opt not to put those posts up, because they're a bit too personal, or indicative of feelings I would rather not share with the entire world (Because the entire world? Totally reads this blog). But sorting through some old notes I found a few things that are amusing, and enough time has passed to give them some degree of anonymity. So, here are snippets of some rejected posts:
-"Are you ever talking to a member of the opposite sex and the whole time you're chatting you have to sing a little ditty in your head that goes 'La, la, la. I'm not attracted to you. You have a boyfriend or don't live in this city or are completely emotionally unavailable. I am not interested in you in the slightest. La, la, la.'"
-Addressed to some girl: "Wow, that's really great about your active, varied, and exciting sex life. Um, could we maybe talk about something else? Or, y'know, have sex? Either's good for me."
-"Emory, if you don't shut up, I'm going to tear off your leg and beat you to death with it."
(That last one's a joke, of course. Naturally, if I ever said anything like that, it would be addressed to Emory AND Leslie.)
-"Are you ever talking to a member of the opposite sex and the whole time you're chatting you have to sing a little ditty in your head that goes 'La, la, la. I'm not attracted to you. You have a boyfriend or don't live in this city or are completely emotionally unavailable. I am not interested in you in the slightest. La, la, la.'"
-Addressed to some girl: "Wow, that's really great about your active, varied, and exciting sex life. Um, could we maybe talk about something else? Or, y'know, have sex? Either's good for me."
-"Emory, if you don't shut up, I'm going to tear off your leg and beat you to death with it."
(That last one's a joke, of course. Naturally, if I ever said anything like that, it would be addressed to Emory AND Leslie.)
posted by Jeff at 4:47 PM
6 Comments:
That last one still isn't as good as when Emory told Stephanie that he'd pull her labia over her head if she called him "Elmo" one more time.
Nothing's as good as that.
You know what helps with those first two things? Masturba--ahem, prayer.
God's always listening...
...to my masturbation.
(I couldn't resist.)
You'd be suprised how easy it is to bowl through nagging concerns like, "You have a boyfriend," with a little bit of practice.
Stop corrupting me, Frank.
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