A few things

New comic up at The Atrox. Go nuts.

If you are possessed with a rabid desire to own a shirt with the Atrox on it, you should go here and run up a tab on your mom's credit card. Do it, she's not looking.

My new neighborhood is full of adventure! While on my way to my bus stop this morning I got to make a 911 call for a kid who had been stabbed in the street! (No, I did not see the stabbing. Yes, the dude is fine. He got stabbed in the hand. Still, STABBED.)

At the end of the day Five Deadly Venoms is not as good as Master of the Flying Guillotine. Did I mention that the titular Master is a blind guy? A blind guy WHO KNOWS WHERE YOUR HEAD IS AT ALL TIMES? Also, the protagonist is a one-armed man. Good times.

Prediction

Currently IN: Talking about the awesomeness of Snakes on a Plane.

Soon-to-be IN: Talking about how played-out Snakes on a Plane is.

A fact

If you are standing alone at a bus stop in the rain on a street with almost no foot traffic, you can sing along with your Walkman as loud as you want, and no one will hear you.

The talented overlords

Go, Pixar, go.

"They broke his kung-fu!"

Emory and I are now on a little bit of a 70's martial-arts kick, since we saw Master of the Flying Guillotine the other week. There's a character in that movie who can make his arms grow to ridiculous lengths. Also, there's an old man with a hat that can collect your head. Not like a hat with a razor rim or whatever, like Oddjob or that guy in Mortal Kombat have, but a hat that's like a little cage that lands on your head and severs it at the neck. And the hat it attached to a chain that the old man holds so he just pulls your head off and collects it, because that is how the Master of the Flying Guillotine rolls.

Last night we watched the first half of Five Deadly Venoms. These movies are really dumb and kind of boring, but I'm having a good time. After Emory went to bed I had to play some Ninja Gaiden to come down off the kung-fu high. Only by dicing up Taironese soldiers with my Vigorian Flail was my bloodlust sated. That game is the SHIT.

Ack

I've been making my way through the archives of Achewood recently, and this brought tears of laughter to my eyes. It is seriously the greatest.

Sorry, DC

Remember yesterday when I ragged on the 2nd Seven Soldiers trade for being out of order? Yeah, forget that. When I actually sat down and re-read it last night, I remembered that Zatanna #3, while being published before Shining Knight #4, chronologically takes place AFTER it, so DC actually did the right thing. It would read awfully weird the other way. So sorry I ragged on you, DC! I love you buhbye!

Comics for me

A week I was looking forward to, that ultimately disappointed.

Nextwave #3 - Might be funnier on a second reading, but this was the weakest issue so far. Still a good time, but felt even more substanceless than usual. HOWEVER, at the end of the issue there is a full-page text analysis of Toto's "Africa", that is so worth the price of admission.

X-Factor #5 - Not sure what the point was, here. We don't really learn anything new, and the outcome is never really in doubt. Thoroughly dull.

Seven Soldiers of Victory Vol. 2 - Or, "Jeff spends 15 bucks on a trade of issues he already owns because he is a damn sucker." The actual material of the trade is far from a disappointment, since Guardian #4 is probably the best single issue of the whole story, and "Sky High" Helligan (showing up for the first time in Shining Knight #3) is probably my favorite peripheral character of the series, but THEY PRINTED THE ISSUES IN THE WRONG ORDER. For some reason, Zatanna #3 is sandwiched in between the fourth issues of Shining Knight and Guardian when it should come after the THIRD issues of those books. Ultimately it makes zero difference to anyone reading Seven Soldiers in trade, but for someone who has been pouring over the minutae of this series from the beginning, it's annoying. I mean, there's a checklist for the order in which they should be read at the back of every single issue. This isn't rocket science.

Runaways Vol. 6: "Escape to New York" - This week's overwhelming success, for several reasons. I was little less than enthused with Vol. 5, especially the non-climax (in which Ultron, who in his last appearance slaughtered the population of an entire country and fought the whole of the Avengers to a standstill, is this time around single-handedly defeated by Darkhawk), so this volume represented a return to form for Brian K. Vaughn, as the kids run around New York but mostly snark and bicker and make out and do all the things teenagers do, only really charmingly. It's not every Marvel book that proposes hot shapeshifting lesbian makeouts, but this one does, and avoids being tawdry. Plus, Molly beats the shit out of Wolverine. It's a good time. PLUS, Marvel's started printing their digests on some new type of paper, so the color-murkiness that plagued the earlier digests is nowhere to be found. Everything's vibrant as hell, and still the same price (6 issues for 8 bucks!). Good on you, Marvel.

Comics for you

There's a new Atrox Comic over at the site.

And today's Dino Comics is infinitely excellent.

Pimping, and the difficulties thereof

Finally saw Hustle and Flow last night. It's a decent enough movie much-bolstered by a great lead performance by Terrence Howard. The DVD knew he was the goods, too, since the first several previews were for other movies he was in, no matter how small the role (Get Rich or Die Trying, Four Brothers). Of course, now I've got "It's Hard Out There for a Pimp" stuck in my head. It won't leave, no matter how many times I listen to "We Used to Be Friends."

Did I ever talk about Four Brothers on here? It's stupid awesome. A fine guilty pleasure. Featuring all sorts of cool folks like the aforementioned Howard, Josh Charles, and Chiwetel! Chiwetel RULES.

Buses: Outlaws!

One of the nice things about riding a bus is that they totally run red lights. Surely it's one of the little unwritten rules of the MTA that since a bus is gigantic and hard to stop, that drivers can get away with sneaking through an intersection just as the light turns red, or whatever. But most drivers, if they are within 1,000 feet of a yellow light, just cruise right on through the brilliant red with just a little toot of their horns. Because hey, what car is going to go toe-to-toe with a bus? Not many. It's awesome.

"Oh my God this is SO EROTIC"

Wild Orchid: not very erotic. Although it is funny to say that it is.

Also funny? Emory mumbling "You have beautiful breasts," a la Mickey Rourke. The other acceptable adjective to describe that is "creepy."

What else this weekend? Not tons. There was some shooting done Saturday for Atrox stuff. I wasn't really involved. I think my only contribution was a Falcor reference, as it tends to be.

There was a bit of a St Pat's shindig over at Hollywood House on Friday night, the highlight of which is when Liz, Asa and I sat outside and soberly informed Quin and Mandy that they totally exploited us in their Comic Con documentary. They were high as shit though, so I doubt they even heard a word we said.

Saw V for Vendetta, which is probably the best movie version of an Alan Moore work we'll ever get, and if that sounds like damning with faint praise, then that's kind of what I was going for. The movie has some pacing problems, and has a tendency to use a sledgehammer to drive home its points, but then there are sections that just plain ol' rock the fucking casbah, so there you go.

"I'm the Doctor"

The new Doctor Who series, two episodes in, is incredibly delightful and probably the closest thing to a Grant-Morrison-penned sci-fi series as we'll ever see, so do check it out, won't you?

I have the power

So I fell asleep watching The Secret of the Sword last night (y'know, the He-Man/She-Ra movie). Here are some thoughts:

-Under now circumstances should you watch the music video. I mean, you SHOULD, because it's hysterical, but just be warned that the song will take root in your subconscious and you will be humming it for days.

-The movie has FIVE directors. You keep thinking the director credit is finished, but they just keep coming.

-Prince Adam is so not into this mission that The Sorceress is sending him on. Then again, she's sending him through a portal to a unknown and possibly hostile world to find an unknown person for no readily apparent reason. I guess Adam's just practical.

-Prince Adam and his new friend, Bo:
ADAM: "Where are we going?"
BO: "Whispering Woods, of course!"
Of course.

-Since this movie is, in essence, the origin of She-Ra, let's just talk about the basic set-up of that series, shall we? Basically, it's He-Man aimed at girls, so the basic premise is slightly problematic. Since it remains essentially an action show, She-Ra and her friends lead a rebellion against the despotic Hordak and his well-armed Horde. The Horde is bad news. Hordak can transform his arm into a laser cannon, and he commands an infinite supply of well-armed Horde troopers. His captains have names like Grizzlor and Leech. They were so badass, their action figures came out under the He-Man banner, because what girl would want to own such monstrosities? By contrast, the rebel camp lies in the pastel-colored Whispering Woods and consists of She-Ra, Bo, Glimmer, many generic peasants, and what appears to be the cast of a discarded Hannah-Barbera cartoon. There's Spragg, who's a Twiggett (I have no idea), and Madame Razz, who bumbles around casting spells, and has a New York accent and a talking broom. So it's a bit of a dichotomy here, is what I'm saying. You've got the guy who gives Skeletor nightmares vs. a wisecracking broom. It'd be like if the Snorks decided to take on Cobra (of GI Joe fame). It's a little weird.

-How dumb is Adora? Well, Force Captain Adora (who will eventually become She-Ra) at first works WITH the Horde. She apparently does not think they are bad, despite the fact that in the beginning of the movie she's sent to enslave an entire village just because three Horde troopers got barrels dumped over their heads. And let's not forget that her father-figure is a cybernetic pig-nosed hell-demon with a transforming arm cannon. Not to mention that she lives in The Fright Zone while the supposed terrorists live in the Whispering Woods. But hey, some stern words from He-Man and she totally sees the errors of her ways.

-Hordak has ships with his face on them.

-I fell asleep when Hordak was describing his ultimate weapon... the Magna-Beam Transporter! It just teleports stuff to a ditch. And it runs on anger... I think? I was asleep.

New strip

Hey, forgot to mention that there's a new strip over at The Atrox. Leslie totally drew it! It only took her three weeks!

Nothing's happening

How boring am I this week? So boring that all I have to tell you about are things I have watched on my TV, be they movies or shows.

24 - At this rate there won't be any secondary characters left 2/3 of the way into the season. But it sure is ratcheting up the tension, yes it is.

Veronica Mars - I think the large break (waiting for Top Model to start so hopefully their ratings will go up) has really shattered the nice build this season had going, but last night's episode was still pretty solid.

Lost - Finally got around to seeing the Claire-centric episode from a few weeks back. The flashbacks were all about what Claire experienced when Ethan kidnapped her, so this episode gets mad props from me. Sorry I said "mad props."

Battlestar Galactica - A rather awesome twist, huh? Didn't see that coming.

Movies!

A History of Violence - It's a pretty simple movie, really, but it's extremely well-acted and directed. Remember kids, killing everyone solves all your problems! (Not really.)

The Ice Harvest - This was pretty much ignored when it came out, and I can see why. It's a really low-key noirish comedy that struck me as really hard to advertise. Just like Violence, it's short and too the point, and all the better for it.

An open letter

Dear People who think that their purse/briefcase/grocery bag deserves its own seat on the bus, not matter how full the bus is,

You are wrong.

Love,
Jeff

Usurper

Odin totally loves me the most now.

After we moved in to the new place, I almost never saw the cats once I got into bed, since at first I kept my door closed and later I guess they learned to steer clear, but now that Leslie wanders off to work in the morning with Emory, Odin has taken to sleeping with me. And when I get home he tends to follow me into my room. He knows that's where the petting's at. Of course this means that sometimes he wakes me up at 5 AM by jabbing his nose into my eyelid, but I guess it's worth it in order to steal his love from Emory.

In other pet news, Emory and Leslie keep talking about maybe getting some rabbits from Leslie's rabbit shelter. I think we can file that under World's Worst Plan.

Birthday weekend

Not my birthday, mind you, but seemingly everyone else's on planet Earth.

Friday night Paul and I headed over to Kenneth and Krysta's place for the Kenneth/Jesse/Anne-Elisa collective birthday spectacular. It was fun. Um, not really much else to report, I guess. Oh, Doug's version of Disco Whiskey is not up to snuff. Or so I was told.

For some reason I woke up at 8:30 AM the next morning and COULD NOT GO BACK TO SLEEP. This was after going to bed drunk at 2:30 AM. What the hell, body? I actually felt okay the whole day, but man. It's the weekend! Let me sleep!

During the day Saturday Paul and I (y'know, I spent the whole damn weekend with Paul, it seems) went to Hollywood Toy and Costume to complete our outfits for the 2nd birthday party of the weekend. Whitney had a 20's-themed party at this karaoke place on Sawtelle and it was WICKED AWESOME. The ladies of 952 rented out a whole karaoke room for the shindig so it was just a constant stream of delight. My throat is still sore, actually. The weird part about that party was that I barely spoke to anyone. I was always singing or someone else was singing or we were occasionally all singing together, but I exchanged maybe 20 words with everyone there. Still, when you've got a room of 12 people or so all belting out "Midnight Train to Georgia," it's hard to say that it's not a good time. One might even be inclined to say it was WICKED AWESOME, if one were inclined to use New Kids on the Block slang.

Also, I watched some TV

24 this season? Really kicking ass. Trucking along quite nicely.

OKAY FINE YES I WATCHED TOP MODEL. Emory, Leslie, and I figured we'd check out the new gaggle of girls and see if any of them have promise. After the two-hour premiere, I can safely say I'm into Mollie Sue, because red hair and a pretty face are kind of my Kryptonite, and Brooke, because she is a filthy hippie. Emory, for reasons I can't fathom, likes Jade. Okay, I can fathom his feelings, they are just directly opposite of my own. On the whole the group of finalists this year skews older than usual and... how do I put this? Not as pretty. But I guess we'll see where the season takes us. It certainly took me time to warm to Nicole, not to mention to realize how smoking hot she is.

So enough about Top Model. Um, how are you?

And oh yeah

I tried out for a gameshow last weekend with Mike and Paul.

We didn't make it. Paul says it is because I don't have a sweet rack. That is a possibility.

Mike has the full details.

At least we'll always know we passed the written. They can't take that away from us.

My artisitic genius is unquestionable

A new Atrox comic, written and drawn by yours truly, is up at the site.

Leslie remains broken. What the hell, girl?

"To drink and fight!"

Funnier than "Lazy Sunday"? I say yes.

In which I see yet more movies

One was in an actual theater!

Flightplan - Decent enough thriller. It's always nice to see Jodie Foster. And if I haven't made it clear enough yet, I am so gay for Sarsgaard.

Capote - Really great. There were a few lines that were a little on the nose for me (the final lines, really), but Philip Seymour Hoffman is incredible and the movie's surprisingly well-written and directed. And yes, that makes four movies up for Best Picture this year that were better than Crash.

Okay, here's my one blogging thing about Crash. The subject has been beaten to death in my circle of friends, but here's a point I haven't made that often: Crash, as a narrative drama, is a total failure. There's almost no plot points that aren't either trite or predictable. Maybe two characters have an actual arc (and no, discovering that Matt Dillon isn't a sexually abusive piece of shit ALL the time is not an "arc"). It's not a compelling story. Which isn't really its point, to be fair, but being narratively interesting made have made up for its failures in message and tone.

Things that are creepy

Those internet and print Moto Silver Razr phone ads, where the woman is holding the phone to her abdo-pelvicular region. I know it's supposed to be "This phone is as skinny as my incredibly skinny tie!" but it really just looks like "This phone is so small it neatly fits into my vagina!"

Total self-fellating moment

A short play in which Jeff and Frank are funny:

(During the Oscars, Jennifer Aniston comes out to present, and the camera cuts to Eric Bana for some reason)
Frank: What, did they cut to him cause he had to fight Brad Pitt in that movie?
Jeff (as Eric Bana): "Brad Pitt killed me, too."



To even out that bit of self-proclaimed comedy, here's a moment when I totally nerded out and embarassed myself:

(Eric Bana and Jessica Alba are presenting onstage)
Frank: Look, they're gearing up for The New Fantastic Four movie!
Mike: Is Hulk going to be in the next Fantastic Four movie?
Jeff: Nooooo! The NEW Fantastic Four! Hulk, Ghost Rider, Wolverine, and Spider-Man! GAWWWWWWD!
Mike: Oh.

The Oscars

Guess I should talk about the Oscars or something, since I like movies and stuff.

Uh, they were pretty much as expected, save for Crash winning Best Picture, which you could say I was not in favor of.

George Clooney cemented his status of Biggest Hollywood Star I Would Like to Hang Out With.

It was funny to see Amy and Darren occasionally. They looked adorable.

I like hot wings.

Um, the montages were dumb. Jon Stewart did pretty well, I thought. Uh... that's about it.

Did I mention I burned my foot this weekend? Stepped right on the heat vent at the Hollywood House. Now I've got a swell grill pattern on the sole of my right foot. Paul said it looks like a steak.

I saw some movies this weekend

Mirrormask - Visually arresting and totally boring. Fails almost completely as an interesting narrative, but is a completely unfiltered vision of Dave McKean's work. Good for a rental, but you should fast-foward through the slow bits. Oh, and the lead actress is hot.

Diary of a Mad Black Woman - Emory felt it was important that we see this. Now I hate Emory. Seriously, the movie is a trainwreck of epic proportions. The movie shifts tones at a breakneck pace, and not a single genre is neglected. You might say, "What about horror?" and I would point you to the Misery-esque scenes where the female lead tortures her temporarily-paralyzed husband. I'd say the film has to be seen to be believed, but then you might see it.

Magnolia - This movie's still great.

Kudos to you, Myspace pornographer

I got a Myspace message today from "julia," and while I usually assume most Myspace messages from females are just porn ads, I clicked on it anyway, because I actually know some Julias and you never know (she had no primary photo).

Anyway, the picture was simply a photo of a topless woman, cropped from the neck down so you can't see her face. And she's holding a little sign that says "I love Jeff."

I mean, that's pretty funny. Way to go the extra mile, pornographers!

Oh Myspace. You're so dependably sleazy.

Things that are funny

The cover of Nextwave #2 is great in many ways, but the bit that makes me laugh the most is the "Nextwave gets their lovin' from your mama!" line, because I am 12.

The interiors are funny, too. Funnier, I think, than last issue, which was plenty funny. This issue has stuff like "Fin Fang Foom put you in his PANTS," like that's just what Fin Fang Foom's all about. Just, y'know, putting folks in his pants. Or the bit with the robot priest. Or when Machine Man comes on to everybody. This book is just Warren Ellis having fun (if he's actively mocking anyone, it's himself), and dammit, it IS fun.

Also fun? Tales Designed to Thrizzle, a book I picked up on a whim since it had been recommended by just about every comics blog on the internet. And it is indeed very funny. I'd talk about it more, but I'll probably just lend you my copy. Or you could just go buy it. It's right at the counter at Meltdown.

New strip

You may not have heard, but poor Leslie has tendonitis, thus keeping her from drawing this week's Atrox strip.

Good thing they've got a seasoned artistic pro like me to pick up the slack.

My boss is so cool

A miniature play:

Jeff: Hey, I have a doctor's appointment during lunch, so I'm going to be more than an hour.

Boss: Okay. Is it local?

Jeff: It's down in Hollywood.

Boss: Jeff. You're telling me that you're going to go down there, and then come back here?

Jeff: Yes.

Boss: Just stay down there.

Jeff: Okay.

Swell

According to DC's website, the last issue of Seven Soldiers: Frankenstein will ship the week AFTER Seven Soldiers #1, the concluding bookend of the series.

This hurts me, since I want to finish all the individual series first, but there's no way I'll be able to wait a week to read #1. I mean, I've been waiting for this for over a year. Stupid DC (or Grant Morrison, or Dough Mahnke, or whomever's to blame)...(whoever?)...(shit).

Exellence

Paul wins everything, forever.

Read his blog because he's much funnier than I am... on the INTERNET. In person, I am damn hilarious while Paul just nervously stares at his shoes and shuffles his feet. I'm glad the internet could bring him out of his shell, the wallflower.

Oh snap

Hilarity.

That first panel is how we talk to Matt at Atrox meetings.

Breaking news!

Oh my God!

Constant media saturation totally trumps that one day in history class!

I mean, it's sad and all, but what do you expect?

Sour grapes

I give you a slightly paraphrased exchange from last night's Scrubs:

Girl who played Becky in that one season of Roseanne: "Oh, I don't want to do this. Can't we just go home and watch Grey's Anatomy?"
Zach Braff: "Ah, that show. It's like they took our lives and put them on TV."

I thought that was pretty funny, especially considering how Scrubs has been ratings-challenged, while Grey's Anatomy scored higher ratings than Desperate Housewives last week. It's funnier when it's an underdog making the joke, rather than the king of the mountain (looks at The Simpsons).

The Simpsons's many jabs at Family Guy came up in conversation at Llama School the other night, but remember when they mocked Dinosaurs? Christ, The Simpsons has been on FOREVER.